Don’t Trade Authenticity for Approval

So, this one comes up a lot in conversations nowadays. People are trying too hard to fit in and then they are really sacrificing the real emotions they are feeling, or the thoughts they are thinking. They are trying to hard to fit in and be liked rather than say what’s really on their mind. They are trading their authenticity for the approval of others. Now, that being said, if you work in a customer service field, then it comes a little more interesting. In this post I am more focused on in personal life outside of work. I’ll do another post at some point about being authentic at work because that one is something that I feel strongly about as well.

I can relate to this one as I have had countless times where I say something just to agree with someone or to just jump in the conversation. In reality, I don’t agree or maybe think something else entirely. Have you ever had one of those conversations where the other person is just rambling on and on and you couldn’t care less so you space out only to space back in at exactly the moment where they’ve asked you a question or are waiting for your response? Yep. That’s me. My brain goes a mile a minute and half the time I can space out and be thinking 6 other things, so I lose attention quickly if the conversation gets sidetracked.. But, instead of saying, sorry I missed that, I totally spaced, most of the time we make up an answer and say what we think they want to hear. God forbid, we admit that we aren’t paying attention because what they were talking about got a little boring. Ugh. Social faux pas irritate me.  I fall into their trap all too often as I can be weird and awkward and if I am in a crowd of people I don’t know well, I tend to get shy. I know that I shouldn’t, but once I get enough of my thoughts online, I figure what the hell, might as well start saying things as I think them.

So, what exactly is authenticity? How do you know if you are truly being authentic? Google just says “the quality of being authentic”. But, what does that really mean? Especially if you are in your teens, you are at your most vulnerable and impressionable age. So, how do you really know if you are being authentic or just looking for approval and trying to fit in?

Well, I figure I can at least share my thoughts:

Speak how you feel

This one can be a little hard especially if what you want to say is going to offend someone. But, seriously, if you’re that friend that always speaks their mind and is honest, that can be a good thing. You may find friends coming to you for advice because they know you’ll tell them the truth. *Side note, my husband is super honest so people ask him for his opinion all the time because they know he’s going to give his honest opinion regardless of outcome. Especially if those jeans make you look fat.

“The Problem is people are being hated when they are real, and are being loved when they are fake” ~ Bob Marley

Get off the band wagon

Remind yourself that you don’t have to do things just because everyone else is doing it. Sometimes there are pluses to not buying things the second they get released. One Plus is that the price will go down if you wait. Also, if it is technology, you can guarantee there will be some sort of bug that will be fixed if you just wait. Patience is involved here which yes, I know is hard for me, but my stubbornness to not be on the band wagon prevails.

Don’t Chase People

This one was really hard to accept as I want to go back to the people in my past and say Hey! Over here! Look who I’ve become or how I’ve grown. But, really I guess I just need to be comfortable in my own skin of who I have become and be proud. I think we chase people because we are looking for the approval and confirmation that Wow, yes, look at all you have accomplished. We need to be able to step back and be comfortable. Remember the law of attraction? When you are true to yourself and confident, people will come to you and want to be around you. 

Don’t Chase People. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people, the ones who really belong in your life-will come to you. and stay” ~ Will Smith

Stay Humble 

This one is more about ego. Sometimes we say things to puff up our chests and stand out. Sometimes, it is best to stay in the shadows and be your own height. If you think of all the celebrities who puff their chests and show off their money, what happens in 10 years? They are usually broke and out of the game. The true humbled are the ones who are quiet about their riches and stay in the shadows making all the money. It’s important to not forget your values of where you started and not lose them on the way to the top. Always remember where you started. A wise friend told me to be humble once, and I have never forgotten his words. There are so many amazing humble quotes, and it took my a while to choose one:

“Be Humble, Be Hungry, and always be the hardest worker in the room” Dwayne, ‘the Rock’ Johnson

It’s okay to be weird

This one is easier said than done. For me personally, most people don’t know how weird I actually am. However, in order to be fully authentic, I am going to have to be weird in front of people more often. And be okay with it. I mean, I like to dance in my car while driving…with full hand movements. And, I laugh at my own jokes, hate shopping online, make ridiculous facial expressions at myself in the mirror every morning, talk to myself regularly, am obsessed with penguins, and would eat chocolate peanut butter ice cream every day for dinner if I had my way.

“Owning our story and loving our self through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do ~ Brene Brown”

Anyways, that’s all I can really think of for now. Anything else you guys think of when you think of the word authentic? I want to start a conversation as happiness and authenticity are so intertwined that in order to be happy you have to be authentic and in order to be authentic you have to be willing to embrace vulnerability.